Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
