love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need moral support for this bender
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
