my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
