Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Jerry, you need to find god
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
