it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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