I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
