And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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