made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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