his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
