why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
