I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
