i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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