Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
