btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
