Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
