You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
