So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
