i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I enjoy the company of your penis
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
