I wish I only lived at night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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