So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
