One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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