what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
