Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
