My balls are so social today.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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