Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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