i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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