Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
