yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
