im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
