Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
