I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize