Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
