That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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