is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
