theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
