Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
