he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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