So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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