And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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