Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Your dad touched me again.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
