you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
These tits shall not be calmed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
