woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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