one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
