You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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