Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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