there's paper in my vomit.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
