Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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