what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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