i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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