we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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