and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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