I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
