Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
