no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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