I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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