Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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